On Love
Valentines, Schmalentines.
When I was a kid, I had a Cupid print turtleneck that I wore every Valentine’s Day. I got it as a hand-me-down and it was way too big at first. Even though the sleeves covered my hands and it fit like a dress, I wore it every February 14th—for years. By the time my parents finally convinced me to let it go, it was practically a crop top with 3/4 length sleeves. I’ve always been fashion-forward, honestly. (I lie: Fashion and I have never met.)
In my weird little kid brain, there was something fun and exciting about that shirt. It was celebratory. It was colorful. It was special because it was reserved for one day out of the year, and that was the only day I’d wear that shirt.
I saved my lovin’ for the day that was specifically reserved for love, and it made sense. Like, yeah, okay, let’s consume candy hearts and hand out cards to tell people they’re “Toad-Ally the Best” and you’d like to “Taco ‘Bout Love.” February 14th is the day to confess your “I Lava You”s and share puns with your “Deer-est Friends.”
I started reading romance novels super young (hi mom, hi dad. I know you subscribe to this newsletter. yeah, uh, I absolutely “borrowed” some racy books from your shelves when I was like… 12. whoops?) and I took mental notes.
Do you know when people in romance novels shared their deep, gushing, loving feelings? Want to guess how often it was on Valentine’s Day?
If you guessed “Well, usually not on Valentine’s Day, the day meant for telling people you love them,” you’re correct! (But if you want that timing, check out Perfect Match, a novella by Eliza McLane!)
Anyway, here are the three things I’ve learned from reading romance novels:
You Can’t Time Love
Though the calendar says February 14th is the DAY, a deep connection doesn’t actually know how to use a calendar so it’s generally useless to plan for love.
Up for a big promotion at work and you don’t have time for romance? Just out of a relationship and not looking to start something fresh? Can’t stand the person who parks poorly next to your car in your apartment parking lot? Desperately looking for a hookup, not a long-term thing? Need to impress someone at an event and the person you bring as your plus one is your least likely romantic prospect?
I learned not to fight the timing and instead take a cue from improv with a “Yes, and…” approach. (Kinda like when my husband proposed 100% outta the blue while we were walking through the mall. He just said, “We should get hitched.” The “Yes” was easy, the “and” is ongoing!)
Believe In Yourself and Love
If you look at my bookshelf, my favorite reads (romance, fantasy, and beyond!) usually involve themes of accepting and trusting yourself—no person in shining armor required. After all, in romance, the MC often has to overcome something they’re doing to hold themself back before their love can thrive. Sometimes it’s as easy as believing in themself.
Easier said than done (see imposter syndrome). Lucky for me, even on days when I’m finding it hard to follow this super tough advice, I’ve got my writing pals to chat with. I <3 U SF2.0 & RomanceFriends.
It’s About the Journey, etc. etc.
Okay, so this is why I prefer romance! When I need to know that it’ll all be okay, even when real life is getting me down, I know where to go for a Happily Ever After (or Happy For Now). I don’t mind bleak, dark, or action-packed sci-fi, fantasy, etc. but sometimes I want to enjoy the ride without worrying about the destination. It’s fine if a romance hurts me during the third-act breakup (though I am all for ditching that break-up beat!) because I know that it’ll all work out in the end. Knowing that there’s a positive outcome at the end of that path—no matter how rough—is what I’m here for.
Cheesy Valentine Time
Please enjoy this valentine I’ve lovingly crafted. I married an artist but I have zero eye for design. You’re welcome.
I am kicking myself for not going the banana route with my valentine design. Meh, consistency is overrated.
The Loose Ends
What I’m Reading: I’m double-dipping right now! I just started an ARC of Someone Just Like You by Meredith Schorr and I’m re-reading Love & Other Disasters by Anita Kelly.
What I’m Writing: Pass Pages, BBY! I’m almost done with my second pass pages, which is my last chance to make changes—and only if those are minor, itty bitty changes.
What I’m Listening To: I’m horrified to admit that my most-played music is currently… my kids’ Minecraft playlist, which is all dubsteppy game-related music. But it’s so dang catchy.
The Obligatory Self-Promotion
My debut novel releases on August 8, 2023 from Alcove Press! TEXT APPEAL is a sex-positive wild ride with a cast of snarky characters and nerdy references galore.
Add to Goodreads | Request on NetGalley
Pre-order from your preferred retailer | Request at your library
(Save those receipts and library requests: There is some pre-order swag news coming later this year!)
XOXO